Unity in Marriage: Avoiding Infidelity
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people talk about
being bothered by couples after they’re married. “You never see them anymore.” “It’s
like they just disappear and only hang out with their spouse.” “It’s way harder
to get together with my friends now that they’re married.” Those are some
typical statements made by people about their married friends and, really, they’re
right. Once people get married, they are less available than they were when they
were single, but is that really such a bad thing?
I know I’ve had my fair share of feelings of loss when a
friend gets married and, suddenly, they have a new life that doesn’t include me
as intimately. It’s important to understand, however, that this is a necessary
change that needs to happen if the new marriage is to build a strong foundation
for which to build an eternal relationship.
We can learn much about the sacred union of marriage from
our first parents, Adam and Eve. In Moses chapter 3, the Lord tells them, “Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife;
and they shall be one flesh.” It can be tempting, and even thought of as a good
thing, to rely on our parents when we experience difficulties in life, but the Lord
counselled Adam and Eve to sacrifice such strong attachments to parents and
cleave, or “become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached,” to
each other as husband and wife.
President Kimball wrote, “And, when the Lord says all thy
heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman
it is paraphrased: ‘Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt
cleave unto him and none else.’ The words none else eliminate everyone
and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or
wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any
other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the
companion spouse.” What a strong statement! No other interest or person should ever
take precedence over the companion spouse.
In an article written by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner
on marital infidelity they wrote, “Dissatisfaction in marriage does not itself
result in an affair… Infidelity has less to do with the state of a marriage and
more to do with the individual… There are many people in troubled marriages
that do not commit infidelity just as there are plenty of affairs that occur even
when spouses are generally satisfied with their marriages.” When a marriage is
compromised by a sexual affair, it rarely begins at a sexual level. Often it
begins with emotional infidelity. I can’t imagine many people in a marriage go
out looking to have an affair. Often, they are begun because of time spent with
another, sharing hopes, dreams, and disappointments with each other. These
things build emotional intimacy which – once you’re married – should be built
carefully with your spouse.
So how do you protect your marriage from infidelity? You must
set clear, firm boundaries around the marriage. Boundaries with friends, family,
and loved ones that emulate where your priorities lie. You must consciously
choose to turn to your spouse when it would be easy to turn to old sources of reliability.
Marriage is a time to leave your parents and all else who pose a threat to any
part of your marriage and cleave to your spouse in every way. The strongest and
most loving partnerships are formed when the companions rely firmly on each
other and the Lord. Those are the kind of relationships that extend into
eternity.
Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972)
Affair Prevention. “Infidelity: Protecting Our Marriages”
Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner
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