Overview of what I learned through this class.

Family Relations: Top 10

1.     Being prepared to stand up for your beliefs and courageously answering questions can have an impact on how our friends and family members view the family in today’s world.

The attack on the family is so prevalent in today’s society. I believe most people believe what they do because they think it is what is right. However, the devil has skewed the view of many righteous principles related to the family to make it seem like those who believe marriage is a sacred thing to be shared between and man and a woman are cold hearted. Many people support abortion, believing it is the woman’s decision of what she does to her own body, not realizing the fetus as a living person with rights. When done in love, our courage to stand by what is right can have a good influence on others even when the world’s ideas are in stark contrast to that of God’s commandments. As we address the questions or statements of our friends and family with an abundance of love, we can reach a mutual respect and find more peace in the world.

2.     When you get married, it requires conscious effort to peacefully blend two family cultures and create a unique one of your own with new rules (spoken and unspoken).

There are many things in marriage that do not come easily, one of those being the blending of family culture. Each family has a unique culture that is built over time and established through repeated patterns. When you move in with someone who comes from another family with different family rules, it can be difficult to adjust and find a happy medium that satisfies both partners. Each partner must be willing to make changes to what has been normal for them in the past. These changes can range from small and rather insignificant things, such as who takes out the garbage, to larger and more meaningful traditions, such as where you spend the holidays and how you manage your money. You also must adjust to attitude and coping mechanisms when faced with family stressors. You must establish how you resolve conflicts with one another. One family might find it rude to talk about certain problems while another might find it rude to not talk about them. These are things that must be worked out between the couple to create a new family culture.

3.     Sexual intimacy in a marriage does not usually come easily or naturally at first and the sexual cycles experienced differ between male and female.

Much of the media in the world today portrays sex as secular and profane as well as something that should just come naturally as you mature. This can pose a problem for those following the laws of God and recognizing sex as a sensitive and sacred thing to be shared between man and wife. We need to recognize sex as a mental, emotional, and spiritual, intimate experience shared between a husband and wife. People may have unrealistic expectations that, because they love each other, their sexual intimacy will automatically be a magical and straightforward process. However, men and women experience sex in different ways which, when not prepared for, can cause anxiety, confusion, and hurt. The sexual response cycle includes excitement/arousal, plateau, orgasm/climax, and the refractory period. These responses come at different times in men and women. Both husband and wife should be sensitive to the needs of their spouse and grow as they come to know each other in a sexually intimate way.

4.     We are always communicating, whether or not the communication is an accurate representation of your thoughts and feelings is another thing, but there are ways we can learn to improve our skills of effectively communicating.

Try as we might to be neutral at times, we can never not communicate a message. Even when we are silent or avoiding a person, we are still sending them a message. What we interpret from what someone is doing and saying can be completely different from what that person really meant to portray. Sometimes someone doesn’t even mean to communicate or send a specific message to another person but a message is sent regardless. The confusion of these communications can be detrimental to family relations. When we intentionally focus on how to effectively communicate our thoughts and feelings to one another, we will see the quality of our relationships improve. Some ways to do this is to understand that 14% of communication is through words, 35% is through our tone of voice, and 51% is through non-verbal cues. We can also use statements like this to say something in a less accusatory way. When (explain event) I felt (emotion) because (thoughts). I would like (hope/desire).

5.     The Lord has revealed ways we can council within our families to improve loving communication and help us teach valuable lessons about problem solving through the input of all members of the family and revelation.

Counseling within our families can have an immeasurable positive affect on the individual members of the family and the whole unit. Family councils offers a safe and structured place to address issues that might have lasted much longer if not addressed. Having good communication within your family can bring light and meaning to struggles and give voice to each individual member. Once you can identify the problem, you can have open discussion about it and allow the spirit to touch your hearts and lead you to a solution. Our Heavenly Father wants us to find joy within our families and will give us aid when we provide the opportunity for it.

6.     Work is a positive thing within the family that should be taught to our children through explanation, example, and experience.

In family life, work is a necessary principle. It helps family members join together in a cause and be more unified. There will be times we may become overwhelmed by the amount of work on our plates, but we will be much happier as we recognize the necessity and ability to work as a blessing rather than a burden. Working together can allow your family to grow in a unique way only possible through combined efforts. Working side-by-side with your spouse, siblings, and parents, can create beautiful memories and unbreakable bonds with those you love.

7.     There are differences between males and females beginning at birth which have been proven through scientific studies.

There are norms associated with gender that are not imposed upon someone by outside forces. Boys and girls are simply born different from each other. We are simply created differently. Of course, there are individuals whose personality or behavior stray from what is typical of their gender. Even taking those exceptions into account, there are general differences that can be seen between males and females. Those general gender differences have been proven in studies showing how differently male and female babies react to being left by their mother, how children choose a toy, and how adults remember directional cues. It’s important to acknowledge and accept how men and women differ from each other so we can utilize our strengths and not hinder our progression.

8.     Your wedding day should be a day to celebrate your temple sealing by the Holy Spirit of promise.

The day of your wedding should be a time when you are celebrating the sacred nature of your sealing with your spouse. I believe too many people focus on the social aspect of the day and what kind of material things are adorning it. The high price of those material things can have a negative impact on the beginning of your marriage including your financial state and your relationship as a couple to that of your parents. Contrary to beliefs of many latter-day saints, your sealing is not ratified automatically when the ordinance is performed in the temple but when you’ve demonstrated yourself worthy. “The ratifying seal of approval is put upon an act only if those entering the contract are worthy as a result of personal righteousness to receive the divine approbation. They ‘are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true.’ (D&C 76:53) If they are not just and true and worthy the ratifying seal is withheld. When any ordinance or contract is sealed by the Spirit, it is approved with a promise of reward, provided unrighteousness does not thereafter break the seal, remove the ratifying approval, and cause loss of the promised blessing.”

9.     How you date your future spouse can predict the kind of relationship you will have once you’re married and has a great impact on the strength of your ability to work together.

There is a significance in the mode and style of dating that impact your relationship once you are married. It’s not just important who you date but how you date. The standard of dating can mirror responsibilities in a marriage, especially in the role of males. As the Family: A Proclamation states, “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” In the traditional dating scene, the male plans an activity and pays for it which, in a way, mirrors the responsibilities he has in a marriage to preside and provide. This acts as a practice, of sorts, for marriage and can prepare both partners for the responsibilities of marriage, including pairing off and taking care of each other. Your marriage will be more secure if, when dating, you have moved intentionally from dating to courtship then engagement.

10.  There are three aspects of dating that are important before making the commitment of marriage: talk, togetherness, and time.

You should really “know” someone before you get married to them. The more of these three aspects--talk, togetherness, and time--you have in your relationship, especially before making the commitment of marriage, the better you will know them and the more secure your relationship will be. Talk should include mutual self-disclosure and the sharing of experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Togetherness should include a wide variety of activities that allow you to see how they react in different environments. Considering time, you should know someone a minimum of three months before getting engaged. My personal philosophy that I would like to follow when finding a spouse is to know someone for all four seasons. Much can change in a year and I think it is crucial to have that time to really get to know someone before committing to them for eternity.